Friday, July 29, 2011

#6 We Adore Each Filthy Chore

Ryan's Liner Notes:  This was a two part post so I have included the second post below the first.

So I am always fascinated with paradox/satire (e.g. Catch 22, Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse 5, Ball Four).   I had written a post a month earlier and wondered about a sequal to one of my favorite movies that would involve Ashley Madison.  Then I started to think about fairy tales and what happens when you get everything you ever wanted?  Are you then happy forever?  Do you start wanting other things?

So what would happen if we followed one of those Disney Fairytales to the next day or the next year.  Would Prince Charming and Cinderella still be happy?  Would reality make life difficult just like it does for you and I.  How would they reconcile reality?  Is he/she really Mr/Ms Right or just Mr/Ms Right Now who will turn into Mr/Ms Wrong in 5 years.  We don't do the same things we did 10 years ago, eat the same food, watch the same movies, etc.  So how can we expect to be satisfied with the same life partner year after year unless magically we evolve together in sync.  Wow, that would be the real fairly tale!

A lot of interesting concepts that are made even more interesting when you add a devilish little concept like Ashley Madison!  Wow, married dating, who would have thunk it?

So re-enjoy my twisted little tale! 

We Adore Each Filthy Chore
Ashley Madison Theatre – Enchanted II

For some time I have been thinking about taking a stab at some fiction.  I’ve enjoyed the FFF’s but wanted to come up with a concept on my own.  About 2 months ago I posted the following:

In that post I speculated a sequel to one of my favorite movies that would involve characters finding and using Ashley Madison after their fairly tale gets a bit old.  So with that thought my warped mind conjured up a series of sequels to some of our favorite fairly tales where let’s just say our characters deviate off course just a bit perhaps allowing themselves to taste that poison apple that is Ashley Madison!

So here is Enchanted II – Giselle Seeks a FWB

The wedding was beautiful and Giselle was the picture of enchantment in the gorgeous gown she designed herself.  She was a bit surprised when Robert chose the Poconos as their honeymoon location but was touched when he said “life with you will be a honeymoon and I want to get started on our life as soon as possible!”  “Oh that Robert” she thought “always so practical.”  But that’s what she loved about him.

Life was wonderful.  Robert was so happy, things were great at work, Morgan finally had the mommy she needed, and of course Giselle was a knockout!  Perhaps a bit timid and reluctant in bed at first but she would learn!

Giselle was delighted at her life as well.  She finally had the real home she always wanted and a husband and daughter who really needed her.  She delighted in sending them off every morning and meeting them at the door as they came home.  Yes, Robert was a bit of a slob and disorganized but it was wonderful to have someone to take care of, to sing to, to love.  And people were actually buying her dresses she never considered that people would seek her talents, would look to her as someone of great consequence!

And so the Philips lived happily ever after (for now)!

Fast forward 5 years……

Robert slammed the phone down after Giselle called and said she couldn’t pick up Morgan from ballet.  “Another meeting with a buyer running late, this Andalusia dresses was just supposed to be a hobby – now it’s a god damn way of life with her, what’s with her!?”

Robert was now representing Brad Pitt in his divorce with Angelina Jolie (who saw that coming); the settlement there alone would be enough for Giselle to never have to work again.  Robert thought he had met his soul mate, a woman who would make a home for him and Morgan and who he could cherish and take care of.  Now he was married to a career!

When Giselle got home she dropped her coat on the chair and then sighed in agony.  My god what an absolute pig!  What type of man lacks the common ability to hang up an article of clothing, place dirty cloths in a washing machine, or simply rinse a dish and load a dishwasher?  I was to be a queen in Andalusia, this pig thinks I am some common service wench, screw him!  People pay me good money to design beautiful clothes for famous people.  Then I come home and this guy who makes money off people's sorrows expects me to make Mac & Cheese and wash his filthy tighty whities?  I didn’t sign up for this!

Robert and Giselle had a roaring argument that night.  Robert would be in heavy negotiations over the Pitt/Jolie divorce and needed Giselle to handle getting Morgan ready for her recital over the next week.  But Giselle dropped the big bomb that she was leaving for Paris next Tuesday.  Apparently Jean Paul Chooblahnik wanted to design his entire fall shoe collect around Giselle’s dresses.  This was the big break she had longed for.  This was a line in the sand!

To Robert’s dismay Giselle boarded her Air France jet for destiny.  She cried when Morgan waved, she would miss the recital – but the Paris collection was also her dream.  The City of Lights was all she dreamed it would be and her dresses were the talk of the show. 

At an after party she met Javier a young Portuguese tennis ace who was intrigued by her.  After her 4th Cosmopolitan Giselle was very happy and feeling her femininity standing there next to Javier.  Being the object of desire was a feeling she had not had in several years.  Soon she was in Javier’s room.  In the bathroom he grabbed her and kissed her passionately.  Soon her dress was around her ankles and his tongue was between her legs.  He spun her around and soon she was bent over with her hands on the sink.  She was shocked at what was happening.  She had seen forest animals screw like this but had never been on the receiving end.  Robert was so gentle and sweet with his love making, like an afternoon nap tranquil, quiet, peaceful.  Javier’s glistening body was now behind her slapping against her behind in quick rhythm like a tremendous machine.

She felt something in her pelvis.  Was she going to throw up in disgust?  Not hardly, her stomach quickly felt that same exhilaration she felt on her first roller coaster ride as she plunged down 100 feet.  And then there was the gusher she felt between and then down her legs.  She screamed in exhilarating bliss!  The next two hours, once in the middle of the night, and the next morning were a cavalcade of passionate, energetic sex.

There was another after party the next night where Giselle hoped to meet Javier again.  When she didn’t see him she thought she would surprise him in his room.  The door was slightly open and when she walked in she saw two hookers, three super models, and three very masculine male underwear models.  Apparently Giselle was the last thing in Paris that Javier had not screwed other than a few wall sockets!

Giselle cried the whole night.

But the next day was her big show with Chooblahnik, her professional coming out party.

It was a brilliant success.  Giselle returning to New York a fashion star, and Andalusia dresses was on everybody’s lips.  Javier was a distant memory.

But at DeGaulle airport she saw a funny ad that caught her eye “La Vie est Courte, vous devriez avoir une affaire – Ashley Madison.”  She knew a little French and so she googled Ashley Madison a few days later when she was back home.
“My heavens” she thought, people actually sign up to kiss people they are not married to?

Of course after a few days she couldn’t hold off anymore and she signed up.

“Not looking for another prince charming”
Age 34
5’4” 115# (fit)
Attached Female Looking for Males
Never Smokes

Preferences:   Oh these silly checks!  I want someone who respects who I am and what I do.  No drama!  And pick up after yourself, I’m not your mother.  Oh, and I don’t like apples so don’t try to buy me an apple martini

What Turns Me On:      Up until now I have been turned on when guys save me from trolls, catch me when I fall, or slap me on the rear when they are screwing me in front of a hotel bathroom mirror, just found that one out, lol J

What I am Looking For:  I have a nice guy at home and could have married a prince back home so I’m not looking for nice.  I want someone who will jump off a cliff with me and take me to places I have never been!

to be continued…….

That's How She Knows You Love Her
Ashley Madison Theater - Enchanted II (Giselle Seeks a FWB)


Giselle signed up for Ashley Madison on a Friday afternoon but then got caught up in another busy weekend of taking care of Robert and Morgan.  By Monday she had hardly remembered her impulsive action.  But late in the afternoon she did remember and thought she would take a look - "I wonder if anyone is out there, a lonely gentleman just looking to find another lost soul out there to sing with and to adore?"

So what do you think she found?  Yep, apparently there were 300+ gentlemen in greater NYC that were in fact looking for NoMorePrincess!

First Giselle thought "what are all of these winks and key requests - I don't have a key to the castle?"

Then she started taking a look at some of those pictures.

"Oh my," she thought, "showing me your winkie is NOT a proper way to introduce oneself to a lady!"

"And these names sleezy, winkie, humpie, suckie.... am I in some perverted fairly tale - Slut Wife and the Seven Horny Dwarves?  I don't know about this Ashley Madison at all!"

But the attention was gratifing and she had an hour to kill before going home so she continued to look now focusing on the few actual thoughtful messages and ignoring winks and private access pictures.

She finally found one that actually looked interesting.  It was:

"If your looking for a Dr. McDreamy type guy"
6' 175#
Age 39
Attached Male Looking for Females
Never Smokes

His note read as follows:

Dear No Princess,

If you like Pina Coladas, getting lost in the rain, if your not into yoga, if you have half a brain..."

Just kidding but if you would like to escape with me to the Dunes of the Cape (or just the Hamptons) I would love to hear more about you!

I enjoyed reading your profile and I would like to have that feeling of jumping off a cliff with someone special!  And no apples :)

Please take a look at my profile and let me know if I can share anything more about myself with you.

Take Care, McD

Giselle thought to herself "this Mr. McDreamy does sound, well dreamy!"

Giselle and her Ashley Madison gentleman corresponded several times the next day on Ashley Madison and then transitioned to her new gmail account.  At first just kind words about how the day was going and that the weather was nice.  But soon they started sharing their erotic fantasies.

McDreamy said:  I want to share passion, not just someone on the receiving end of me, someone who is in rhythm with me, who is willing to lead and to follow and explore where we can collectively go....

Giselle said:  I want to be treated like a lady but a lady that you just can't wait to see; gasping to hold and to ravish and discover every part of....

It sounded like they both wanted the same thing which is to say not the same old thing they were currently getting in their relationships.  So with that they decided to meet at a bistro McDreamy knew of in the Village that would be far enough away from where each worked and lived.

Giselle was excited.  McDreamy said he would be coming from work so he would be in a grey suit with a blue tie.  Giselle said she would have on a tight form fitting yellow dress that would give great contour to her well formed body (and added a very thin black thong underneath)!

As McDreamy walked up to the maitre d' he saw her.  God, she was hot!  Long red hair (strangly just like Giselle), long thin legs (he would like to lick up and down), and what an ass - almost ready to pop out of that dress!  He tapped her on the shoulder and said "my dear princess, it is I ..."
Giselle's heart seized as she heard those words from that familiar voice.  She turned and yes it was Robert!

"Oh Robert!"


They both said in tandem "What are you doing here?  Are you (Not Princess/Lawyer Up)?  I don't know what your talking about?  OK, yes I am you look fabulous!"

And then they laughed.

Inside the restaurant a familiar song was playing... "It was my own lovely lady and she said, 'Oh, it's you,'
then we laughed for a moment, and I said 'I never knew.'"

After lunch Robert and Giselle made love all afternoon, on every piece of furniture, and in every room (except the bed and bedroom)  :)  It was more than just that first time feeling, it was a re-awakening.  And it was wonderful to be re-ignited with someone who they cared for so much!

And they lived happily ever after with perhaps an occasional hiccup!


Kimberly said...

Giselle seeks a FWB - I am laughing my ass off over here! Genius!

Rosie said...

This reminded me that I saw a play this summer (children's theater) where all the (now married) story book prince and princesses were unhappy. They found that the solution was to swap partners. Only now do I see all this is a different context. They needed one more act where they all contacted AM

Ryan Beaumont said...

@ Kimberly - you commented on my blog, another check off my bucket list!

@ Rosie - Yes as I wrote this I realized the real fairly tale is not meeting Prince Charming, its being with him in your 40's after 15+ years of marriage.