Friday, August 2, 2013

Yeah I Think You're Cute but I Really Think You Should Know, I Just Came to Say Hello

Ashley Madison to You

I have to admit I've been stressing out over this post for several months.  But I realized something just last week - titles really do matter!

You see when I first conceived of this post (and project) I was going to use a lyric from the Who song "Who are You."  It seemed so deep that it would just have to fit.  What can be deeper than considering the universe and contemplating "Who are you?"  I imagined myself the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland smoking my pipe and sounding all intellectual.  But then I considered the content of this project and all of a sudden the Who with their powerful sound and bulging groins seemed to push the content of this project from fun to creepy in my mind.  I try to never do creepy, I like to stick with fun.

Then, as I often do after dinner, I was watching "Good Luck Charlie" with my girls and at a commercial break Disney showed one of those "Re-Mics" where they take a song and add old Disney animation.  This night they "re-Micked" that song "I Just Came to Say Hello" by Martin Solveig et Dragonette.  I thought to myself what could be more innocent than just coming by to say "hello?"

And so that is what I am doing today - "I just came to say hello!"   You can be the judge if I'm being stalker'ish or just being silly.

So I've been thinking real hard about new crazy schemes to take up time between actual posts about real life things I'm doing.  It's when I'm thinking that I'm most dangerous.

I will continue to occasionally write about my current endeavores but it always (for me) seems more fun to have some other scientific projects going on at the same time.  I even think I still have some Shannon stories in me yet but those can wait.  For now I have a project I have been mulling over for several months and I have to get it off my chest so to speak.

You know everywhere you go it seems like everyone wants something "interactive."  You can't just go to a museum and look at old dead shit you have to be able to smell and taste the old shit to feel like you got your money's worth.  At Disney they even have games to play as you wait 1 hour for that Space Mountain ride or Soarin.'  If you are watching Game of Thrones you have to be able to go online and play Game of Thrones or go to Mr. Skin and see a re-cap of the best nuddie scenes of the week.  Bottom line is reading it isn't good enough!  If you read it you have to be able to play it or watch it.  If you watch it you have to be able to taste it or touch it.  If you touch it... Hey wait I better stop I'll start going past boundaries!

Anyway, here is my entry into the "interactive" market.  I want to do something for you my dear readers.  I want to bring the "Ryan experience" to you in a fun and non-evasive interactive way.  What the hell does that mean you say?

It means I have re-created myself on Ashley Madison and I am giving you the opportunity to wink at me to see how infantile a guy can be on this crazy site.  Now of course I not going to tell you how to find the real Ryan, that might not be too smart.

So I have created NotForest who lives in Bayou la Batre, Alabama.  He is just out there waitin' for you ladies so go wink at him!

I bequeathed to him 60 Ash Mad credits so if you wink he'll write back.  I consider this charity or perhaps Pro Bono work for after you see my standard intro letter those guys in your neighborhood might not seem so dull!   :)

But seriously I think this could be fun, kind of like a Pros vs. the Joe's; me being a Joe.  Send Not Forest a wink and I'll write you my best letter possible given your profile.  I just looked him up (in "search by profile nickname") on my secret Shannon (female) profile.  Wait, did I say I have a secret female profile?  Hmm..., I wonder if that will produce a post down the road. 

Anyway, if you don't want me to see your real profile just make one up; they're free you know.  We can chalk this up to a Sociological experiment as we try to derive the best Ashley Madison correspondence.  Well I guess I might be the control group or placebo but hopefully you'll at least get to see first hand what Alecia, Sandra, Keeley, Sandee, and all those lovely e-Mail Queens got to see (even Clare got to see the Ryan form).

And Here's Ryan - or rather "NotForest"!

Last Login: Online Now
"Guys are like a box of chocolates!"
Age: 42 (Capricorn)
Location: Bayou La Batre, Alabama, United States
Height: 6'0" (183cm)
Weight: 175 lbs (79kg) - Slim
Languages Spoken: English
My Limits are: Whatever Excites Me
Status: Attached Male seeking Females
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)
Smoking Habits: Never

Preferences and encounters I am open to:
Conventional Sex, Gentleness, Good with Your Hands, Sensual Massage, Extended Foreplay/Teasing, Likes to Go Slow, Kissing
I am a very emotional person. In fact I once ran across the country because a cute girl wouldn't marry me, even after I bought a shrimp company to impress her.

The dragon in my photo represents my supreme sexual aura. Oh wait, I think that one was taken outside of Lego Land at Disney, maybe it represents my playfulness! Oh well.

I thought about using "your guy du jour" for my greeting but went with chocolate because women like chocolate right?

Regardless I do love to cook for or with someone special. My motto is always "just to satisfy you." There I go again quoting country lyrics!

I like smart women who know what they want. For me, I'm simple - l'll take a Dr. Pepper and some ping pong.

What really turns me on:
A Professional/Well Groomed, Stylish/Classy, Petite Figure, Long Hair, Sense of Humor, Relaxed and Easy Going, Hopeless Romantic, Confidence, Not Possessive, Average Sex Drive

Who are we kidding aren't we all just looking for someone with good personal hygiene and disease free! But I love music, after you see me I want you to be singing that song "some of your time is like one glass of water, just leaves me thirsty for wine..." But don't worry when I saw you in the restaurant I "could tell you were no debutant." So let's just take it easy and enjoy an enchanting alternative place just for us because I "hope you won't see me in my ragged company..."

What I am looking for:
Travel, Picnics, Fine Dining/Candle Lit Dinners, Cooking/Barbequing, Music Lover, Dancing, Politics, Watching Sports, Playing Sports, Physical Fitness, Boating, The Outdoors/Nature, Romantic Walks, Wine Tasting, I Am a Social Drinker

Where is the check mark for "raging alcoholic?" Just kidding but "cottage country?" Really? Well I do want Dreamland for my final meal maybe that serves as cottage country! :) I also don't see "blogging" as an option. Since I can't tell my wife or therapist about all this I certainly want to blog about it! I am a disciple of Riff Dog after all!

Member Feedback: about member feedback[?]

gives good chat

pursues fantasies

worth the time

better in person

hot to trot


better over time

keeps promises



Anonymous said...

I've been wondering if you were actually going to go through with this. Can't wait to hear the results!

Same sassy girl said...

It is so sweet of you to find a way to share the Ryan magic with the fine ladies of the blogger world! I am off wink right now.

Simplicity said...

I think i might take u up on this!