Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It's So Funny, Why We Don't Talk Anymore

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow so time to think about the 3 F's to Thanksgiving.  No that is not an invitation to do an FFF this week, although you should - Advisor has been working hard at keeping that alive no thanks to me.  No to me the 3 F's of Thanksgiving are Food, Family, and Football (not necessarily in that order).  I'm not really in the mood for a food post today so I will leave you with a link to my Thanksgiving food post last year HERE, and my famous Pumpkin Pie recipe to the right.  ------------->  :)

So let me move onto Family or rather relationships or really relationships with your spouse.  Well, I'll probably digress first with a sport analogy so that I can work in the other F (football) which is of course the most important of all those F's.  So because I care so much for "you" I'll have worked in all the "F"'s for "U's" by the end.  Btw, thinking about football tomorrow "GO Redskins, "FU" Dallas!"  :)

I read a lot of blogs.  Some talk about the exhaustion of tired relationships.  Some talk about the hope for something better and reflect on what the spouse could do to meet half way.

But let me digress for a moment and mention something a little deeper about myself that will help my point.  After all many I come into contact with in my real life know that I'm nothing without a good sports analogy.  In my business I interact with athletics often.  Over the years I have seen teams go through pre-game meetings, meals, and warm-ups.  I have read about teams the talking heads favored yet seen defeat in their eyes as they got ready to take the field.  I have seen winless teams for some reason find the gumption and determination to excel and finally win a game.  I have seen teams know exactly what they needed to do to execute a game plan that will exploit an opponent's weakness and then go out there and do it and it was beautiful.  Talent will keep you in games but winning often just comes down to diligence, motivation, and desire.  Yes, sometimes it really does come down to who "wants it" more.  Or as is my point for today, "who is cheering for one another."

I've been thinking about this post really for almost 5 years because it's a topic I discussed so many years ago in a marriage counselors office.  Really it was a question I posed.  That question is:

Are you rooting for your spouse?
Well really I was bitching to the therapist and saying that I didn't think Shannon was rooting for me.
So after that really big intro- what a silly little question.  But much like that sports analogy you can have the best quarterback in the world, you can have a screen pass called on a maximum blitz, but if you don't execute it's all for naught.  And execution often comes down to that diligence, motivation, and desire.
So I ask again:  "are you rooting for your spouse?"
Now let me 'splain.
Think of those words diligence, motivation, and desire.  Don't they sound like nouns you'd like to apply to your marriage or any relationship.

Diligence - Careful and persistent work or effort

Motivation - The general desire or willingness of someone to do something

Desire - A strong feeling of wanting to have something

Are you diligently pursuing your spouse, are you strongly motivated to be with them, do you have a strong desire of wanting to be with them.

Now jump back to football.  I'll give you sneak peak of my December Blog Chain post for Kat.  It involves a big football game, the Big Easy, and the holidays.  My team, Big State U, was playing in a big-time bowl game in the Big Easy many years ago.  I got tickets because I wanted to see BSU on that national spot-light and of course I wanted to be with Shannon in the Big Easy.  It was hard to get tickets, this was way before EBay and StubHub.  But I found them and we decided to go.

No, this is not BSU
Think how hard I worked to get those tickets to see Big State U in NOLA.  Think how much I wanted to see them.  Think of the strong feeling of pride I had when Big State took the field and our fans cheered.  I was cheering for my team with pride as well as diligence, motivation, and desire.  In that game BSU got down early but we still cheered.  We were just proud that we were there no matter the score on the board.  Luckily, BSU caught fire late and clawed their way back into the game.  BSU pulled ahead early in the 4th quarter on an electrifying punt return and ended up winning.

OK so now back to that family F and spouses.

"Are you cheering for your spouse?"
OK psych, I'm still on sports analogies.  So if you are in fact cheering for your spouse are you sending in the right plays?  Do you truly wish to see your spouse succeed or would it just be easier for them to fail and then be justified in your disappointment and thus the choice to move on in life.

What I was trying to communicate to that therapist and to Shannon is that I felt she was not cheering for me.  She had wishes for a better marriage but did she really want me to be the one to provide those and win her over.  Perhaps it was easier to pigeon hole me into a certain category of disdain and then not have to worry about when the marriage was better and thus be ready to have a more intimate relationship.  Sometimes we just get comfortable with the distance.

Of course sometimes we do in fact have to move on in life.  When you stop cheering you have stopped hoping.

So in the final analysis if your marriage was a game would you be rooting for your spouse or the other team?  Or more importantly "is your spouse rooting for YOU!?"

Of course the answer (right) is that too often marriages are a one BIG damn game and it's that very fact that makes them a challenge!  :)

And of course you are asking "Ryan can I get the last 10 minutes of my life back because you wrote this big long piece of written diarhea just to ask a silly stinkin' question!"     :)

And so for a silly stupid post here is a silly song performed by England's (supposed) answer to Elvis!


Kat said...

That's a deep question. Am I rooting for my spouse? I'm going to be focusing on that for awhile. Thanks for that! Fun post, too. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Do you realize that this was the first time that Washington has ever beat Dallas when they've played on Thanksgiving? Woohoo! Go Redskins!