Friday, November 9, 2012

You've Gotta Fight, for Your Right...

So some time has come and gone since the election.  And yes I am elated that our Pres won re-election.  I have enjoyed all the pundits breaking down the demographics and talking about the new America that we live in.  I have marveled at David Plouffe and how he executed President Obama's re-election campaign to perfection.  And God did I love Megan Kelly dissing on Karl Rove - Classic!

But as usual I find that stuff ultimately a bit mundane.  I long to discuss (or rant as the truth may be) about other stuff, more weighty to a shallow philistine such as myself!  :)

This article intrigued me on election day: 

Of these, the initiatives in Massachusetts, Montana, and Ohio were relatively boring to me.  What got in my craw were those two initiatives in California.  They got me thinking which, of course, is always a dangerous thing!
But first let me say I have traveled to California on several occasions.  I love it; it's always fun to visit.  As an East-Coaster you definitely get that feeling "I ain't in Kansas anymore" when you are over there.  Of course it's not so much like going to another country, that would be New Orleans.
No with California you get the feeling that you might be on a different PLANET!  But of course I tease, I do love Cali - but it is weird!
So here is my analysis on those funny California ballot initiatives with my own special Ryan style takes or rather counter-proposals.  But I do wonder how California let Colorado and Washington (state) get out ahead on pot.  Wow, the Entourage gang would be so disappointed.  I can see the Turtle Campaign posters for Cannabis equality so vividly!
Initiative #1 - Labeling of Genetically Modified Ingredients in all foods you purchase
The Benefit - consumers get to know what we are putting into our bodies.  Surely we need to know what drugs and hormones were fed to the livestock we eat.  Sadly, the measure was voted down 53-47.  But California, perhaps we should consider more relevant initiatives next time!
Ryan's Counter-Proposal Initiative:  OK so I am concerned with what I eat, food translates to how one feels - it fuels our bodies.  But this ain't the Greater DC area we are talking about, this is California so I gotta think we have better "modified" things that should be labeled in that great state for the benefit of the public!
*     You're worried about genetic modification but don't you think we should be labeling "non-genetically enhanced" tits.  I mean as a guy I like a woman with curves and chances are I'm not really going to care anyway if "you've had work done."  But in fairness shouldn't we have the opportunity to know.

She/he looks like Lady Gaga!  Not!
*     How about all those hot looking women on the Sunset Strip that well hmmmm.... are they in fact women?  As a guy coming out of a bar with my "beer goggles" on I'd like to have certain protections that labeling might give me.  Shouldn't we be requiring an "other parts included" label for those "ladies," I mean "gentlemen" that have such sexy legs but something just doesn't quite look right.  That would be some valuable information for a consumer like me!

More than mother nature involved here!
*     In fairness though this is not about being misogynistic, ladies deserve information as well!  Is that really your hair or did you get it from an Infomercial you saw last week!  That member that is standing at attention between your legs.  Is that the real-deal?  Is that an "organic" erection or is that brought to us by the makers of Viagra?

*     And now that you mention it should a guy really get credit for 9 inches when mother nature only gave him 7?  Perhaps we should give credit where credit is due to the good people at ExtenZe!

*     At 46 is that wet spot below your belt really an inadvertent splash or is it the tell-tale sign that 3 shakes just doesn't get the job done for you anymore!
Initiative #2 - Requirement of Condom Use in all LA County filmed Adult Movies
The Benefit - keeping the actors and thus society safe from social diseases and demonstrating to the audience the necessity of "safe sex."
Ryan's Counter-Proposal Initiative:
So this reminds me of a joke.  Do you know why they only teach driver's education in California on Monday and Wednesday?  Because they need the car for "sex education" on Tuesday and Thursday!  badump bump....cha!   :)
 * note:  I've mentioned that joke on AM on multiple occasions to address the "funny" check!

Yeah, that is like making NASCAR drivers flash a left turn signal at each corner just in case the poor impressionable youths of American might be watching and taking notes for driver's education.  I mean really, I've watched porn movies before even in the company of a lady.  But learning about safe sex was the last thing on my mind.  I was just trying to figure out if I had the flexibility to do that upside down 69 thing in the shower stall just like that dude in the movie!

Hey wait, that driving instructor joke gives me a thought.  You know when you are learning to drive you have an instructor.  In fact he/she goes out with you when you first drive and then you actually have to take a test and pass to get your license.

To me *uckin' is WAY more important than driving so if we are worried about kids learning how to screw properly why dont' we assign each young adult a porn mentor to learn how to properly have sex (safely as well of course).  You could take a 10 week course (at 21 of course, this is California nt Arkansas) and then you would have to take a test (oral of course, I'm always thinking about the ladies)!

Now that would be some good legislation!
Here is Kat's take on the issue.  Hers is like all analytical and stuff so I don't really get it.
Oh and btw there were of course millions of thoughts blasted over the tweetosphere Tuesday night but after analyzing many I have determined that the best "Tweet" of election night comes from that 80's group They Might be Giants for the following:
“Diane Sawyer is declaring the winner to be....... chardonnay!”
#2 from Josh Groban - "I'll have what Diane Sawyer is having"
And finally to my dear dear smokin' hot Megan Kelly to your comment "is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better...." I say.
Megan, I love you.  You are smart, talented, and super-hot.  But when you say "math that you do as a  Republican" you have made the unfortunate assumption that Republicans do any math at all!  :)

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