Thursday, October 25, 2012

Tried to Hold You with all My Might

A Story of Old Friends and Lovers

I think I have mentioned in this blog that I was a late bloomer.  I didn't have my first sexual experience until my freshman year of college and then it would be about two more years until my second.  I acually grew about 2-3 inches during my early years of college so really I just hadn't filled out yet so to speak.  But somewhere in my junior year I resolved to put myself out there, forcing myself to be more of that Alpha everyone seems to talk about around here.  For me it was really just about not being shy and finding out girls like to talk and to flirt.  By the time I was a senior in college most of my friends were actually girls and that would be a trend I would continue up to today.

I met HER in my senior year of college.  Over the next three years of my life (including Grad School) we would be casual friends with an enjoyable flirtation.  But upon graduation she led me to a new state and a new life.  Once in this new town our relationship turned to a passion that consummed me.  She became all that I ever wanted, she drove me, sustained me, and led me to heights I didn't think possible.  I barely had a life beyond her in those days.  Her thirst for me was unquenchable and mine for her.

Sure, I met others.  I met Shannon in that town.  For a time Shannon grabbed my attention.  SHE allowed me to throw my fancy and attention to Shannon as she was not the type to settle down.  Perhaps it even amused her to see me happy with another.  But eventually she came calling and led me to another town.  Shannon came with me, she was OK with that, but she would not leave me and in fact led and drove my ambitions for her even more.  Each step with her was the next step to our ultimate goal together; the course we had charted together, the end of our journey or rather the place she was destined to take my soul.

Two more times she would lead me down her path to a new place, both times at Shannon's objection.  But I could not yield to her.

She finally led me to a place Shannon almost refused to go.  She tolerated Shannon but surely would have been happy for Shannon to leave me.  But Shannon did come once again.  For a time Shannon finally eclipsed her and we started a family.  I slowly began to distance myself from her.

She did not approve.  Like a jealous lover she left me, bitterly forsaking me and attempting to take my soul with her.  In her wake I fell to depths of shame and dispair I could barely conceive.  She left me broken and nearly beaten.

In my sadness I left that final place she led me and found my way back east.  Shannon did come with me one final time but the battle with HER had left Shannon's love for me broken beyond repair.  I found work back east and found a comfortable home where Shannon and I were seperately happy with our girls yet distant from each other.  For several years I was content to work an honest day and be the best dad I could be and tried to be the husband I never was.  I finally had balance now that she was not in my life to tempt me with the excesses of my youth.

But like the seasons things change and life sometimes comes full circle.  The distance from Shannon became too much of a burden and I sought and found others.  I found a delightful person, Sandee, who made me so very happy.  But happy things can sometimes fade and as my relationship with Sandee began to plateau SHE found me again.

It was so funny, I had not been looking for her even as I had been looking for others from my past.  She didn't reveal herself immediately.  At first she came to me as a small diversion, a project to help out on so to speak.  But that little project went oh so well, we realized each other and realized how happy we were to see each other.  There was no anger between us for our time appart.  In fact I felt immediate contentment within her presence.  Standing right in front of me it was as if she never left.  We could only smile and say "hello dear friend."

There was no doubt of course, we would be together again.  I can't help but submit to her, I never could.  She is the lady that I could never say no to and I was so glad she came back into my life this summer.  God help me that I may yield to her in a way that burns enduringly and that does not consume us both.  Perhaps with age has come wisdom and our love will be of respect, support, and caring and we can live with one another and not hurt those around us this time.

Yes, as summer came into full swing I was happy to be back with my lover from years gone by.

My career.

Perhaps more to come but then again who really want to hear about old lovers!

And from the Hoodoo Gurus:

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