Friday, February 24, 2012

Give Me uh Give Me uh Give Me a Redneck Girl

In case you haven't noticed I have mentioned being from the south on several occasions in my blog.  Additionally, I hope you have noticed that I enjoy humor.  Put those together and it wouldn't take a genius to guess that I love those Blue Collar Comedy Guys and particularly Jeff Foxworthy.  He and I are two peas in a pod being Redneck Metrosexuals and all!  :)

You know Jeff Foxworthy defines being a Redneck as possessing "a glorious lack of sophistication."  Now I can turn on sophistication when I need it but I prefer to leave it off when possible.  So given all that we all have the ability to be Rednecks!  But ultimately what I like is the paradox of being a Redneck Metrosexual Skirt Chasin' NASCAR Dad Left of Center Guy; tell me that ain't unique!

So since I am always trying to rip off other people's ideas I thought I would take a stab at some Redneck jokes.  And the good thing is that all of these are based on actual Ryan experiences.

Here goes:

*  When giving driving directions if you have ever made the statement "take a right at the pig farm," you might be a redneck.

*  If your son or daughter has ever thrown a tantrum because they had to ride in the Jeff Gordon car on the NASCAR ride at the county fair, you might be a redneck.

I kid you not I heard a parent once say as their child got onto this ride "I hope she can get on the #3; if she get's Gordon's car she'll be pissed!"

*  If someone has ever asked you if you want to be tea bagged and you said only if the tea is brewed sweet, you might be a Redneck.

 I actually made that one up; hell, I didn't even know what teabaggin' was until I saw it on a blog recently :)

*  If you step outside of your office building and it smells like a cow's ass you might be a Redneck.

Go Junior!  :)
OK enough of that, the real point of today is another food post.  So I've admitted to being a little countrified now (as if you didn't already know that) so now let me admit to liking NASCAR.  Well, I've actually admitted that before here but let me reaffirm that admission today.  And since Sunday starts the NASCAR season at Daytona I thought I would give you a best Redneck/NASCAR recipe!  Well, really it's just an easy chili recipe which is eaten all over the place but here goes!

World's Easiest Chili


*  2#'s Ground Beef

 -  If you are from Alabama I would subtract 1# and ground beef and mix in a pound of deer sausage
-  If you are from Wisconsin do the same as Alabama but with Moose or Elk and add a splash of Old Milwaukee beer and some cheese curds and say "you bet" 3 times!
-  If you are from California scratch the Ground Beef because when cattle pass gas if destroys the ozone.  Substitute some soy crumbles, corn salsa, or diced pumpkin and chant to some crystals.
-  If you are from Arkansas scratch the Ground Beef and substitute some of that 'possum you ran over yesterday!  :)

*   1 Large White Onion (diced)
*   2 Cans of Diced Tomatoes (approx 12 oz/ea)
*   2 Cans of Tomato Sauce (approx 12 oz/ea)
*   2 Cans of Chili Beans (I generally substitute 1 can of Black Beans)
*   1/4 Cup Chili Powder 
*   1 Tbs Cumin (that's a spice now, I don't you know do it in the chili!)  :)
*   Salt, Pepper, and Tabasco to taste

*   Brown your Ground Beef, Deer Sausage, Elk, Moose, soy crumbles or whatever in a skillet.  When almost cooked add in onions.  Sautee until beef cooked thoroughly and onions are tender.
*   Add in Tomato Sauce, Diced Tomatoes, and Beans (including brine of one can) and combine.  Leave at gentle simmer for about 10 minutes.
*   Stir in Chili Powder, Cumin, salt, pepper, and Tabasco to taste.  Add more spice to taste if needed.  Try some green chiles, diced mixed peppers, or a Southwestern Style Corn Salsa if you want to add some flair.  After adding spice let the chili simmer for about 20 minutes.
*   Serve with nacho chips, shredded Cheddar-Jack Cheese, Sour Cream, Guacamole, or anything else you like to add.  If you are fancy get one of those big round loaves of bread from Kroger, Giant, Food Lion, or Wegman's; carve it out and serve the chili in a bread bowl.

See that was real easy.  This will easily serve 12 people.  If you only have 4 you'll have something to put in your freezer for a rainy day or for that Bristol race in a few weeks!


Misty Mountains said...

That made me smile this morning! Thanks for the humor...all so true. But now I'm hungry for chili and wishing I was in Daytona.

Gertie said...

Hi Ryan! Check out my blog I have awarded you the Liebster award!

:) Gertie

Kat said...

Nice recipe! I'm actually going to try it. :-)

But I take offense at your comments about folks from California. We are not ALL like that. Some of us care much more about getting laid than we care about the environment.

Ms. B said...

This sounds yummy! I'm hungry now! Love your redneck jokes, funny!