Thursday, September 13, 2012

I Wish I Was Like You, Easily Amused

Yep, that is that Nirvana song that contain the lyrics:

"What else could I say, everyone is gay..."

Oh christ Ryan you've mixed up the Chick-fil-A controversy with your rage about losing lemon pie, you've talked about worrying about the appropriateness of which female blogs to compliment, you even talked about the congressional decision to go back to Styrofoam coffee cups.  With all that silly and worthless commentary on faux controversies what on earth are you likely to talk about now!

OK, here it is - a confession.  This is what these blogs are supposed to be about anyway, right!

So here is my confession - sometimes I think I want to be gay.  There I said it.

Now I have to couch all this and walk it back a bit, I am from DC after all!  You can't be from DC without saying something and then immediately taking it back you know!  To be honest, I think guys are gross.  We are hairy, we have this odd dangly appendage.  We often smell bad.  We can't hold a conversation in a bar without swiveling our head toward the nearest TV with a sporting event on it (even if it's Little League Jai alai).  All in all we are entirely unattractive in my opinion so no I'm not saying I'm physically attracted to guys.  I just want to be gay.

Why can't I be you!   :)
Well not really BE gay, I just want to look gay.  I guess the trendy term would be Metrosexual.

You see New York fashion week is ending up tomorrow and it gave me pause to think about someone I work with, Barry.  He is gay btw.

Now wait, of course you are thinking I'm stereotyping and link fashion to being gay.  Let me say that is not the case I am just linking certain aspirational persons I know who happen to be gay and who are uber-fashionable.  And of course I want to look like and be well spoken like them because in my little mind I think it would help me score with women!   :)

Hint, no Metrosexuality needed here!
Sorry that is how low minded guys think at times.  Don't give me looks, have you ever watched that series How I Met Your Mom?  I love that show.  In one show Barney Stinson (played by Neil Patrick Harris who is gay, btw) who is a known uber-womanizer (sorry I seem to be on an uber-kick today) introduces the gang to his brother who is gay (played by Wayne Brady).  They use the fact that one is gay and one is hetro as a ploy to score with their intentioned objects of desire.  Anyway the whole thing was hilarious when I watched at the gym the other day (taking a break from watching women).  Well not really because I always have a drooling problem whenever I watch that show and see Cobie Smulders (she really uber-does it for me)!  Damn, I LOVE the fact she looks soooo good without make-up!

Anyway, I'm not attracted to Barry in the slightest because at the end of the day he is a guy and I am sure the first thing in the morning he does is scratch his ass while he is peeing just like me.  And that is an entirely unattractive picture.

But the picture I see every day and the picture everyone else sees of Barry is this very chic and trendy guy.

Barry drives a Beemer and he and his partner live on one of those chic and trendy "boutique" farms where you can go pick apples and go through corn mazes.  He dresses immaculately and oh btw has a side career as a touring musician.  He is well spoken.  Everyone enjoys being around Barry, he is always at the center of every meeting or work social engagement.

If I had that gravitas and uber-coolness and used it for purposes of my choosing, I'd be an uber-chic magnet!  Maybe I need to buy a farm and start raising chickens, hmm.....  :)


Same sassy girl said...

Good luck with the fashionable stuff. You are an aspirational person, Ryan!

Ms. B said...

I like the metro look, probably because I love clothes and fashion, be surprise! But, whenever I see that look on a guy, I think uhhh who knows what team he plays for! I enjoy the manliness of men!