Thursday, February 14, 2013

'Cause You Got Me Flyin' with Ur Love

Happy Valentine's Day!
Your input needed!  See directions below!
This is my 6th post this month and thus far I've re-posted two old posts, used Kat's Chain for source material, got Ponyboy to write half of a post for me, and cut and pasted a recipe from a New Orleans on-line culinary magazine.  Pretty lazy, right?  Surely, I'll get back to actually doing something here!

Nope.  First though I want to do another re-post of sorts or really just link to a past Valentine's Day post (here).  My after-Valentine's Day post from 2011 is actually my most viewed post of all time at over 600 direct hits.  Because the title is Happy Ashley Madison Day just about anyone "googling" Ashley Madison gets to my blog at this post.  So it tends to be the unfortunate door many wayward travelers enter into my silly little Adventures.  Anyway, that post talks about how the day after Valentine's Day is always a big day for Ashley Madison.  So all you dudes should take a look tomorrow on AM because all those ladies that are underwhelmed by their guys today might be looking for you tomorrow!  :) 

But let me now get to the point of my post today which involves more laziness.  Today I actually want YOU, all my loyal friends and followers, to write my post!  Well not actually the guys just the ladies.

What I want all you ladies to tell us guys is, what do we need to do today so that you won't be turning to Ashley Madison tomorrow.  Wait, guys don't think that far ahead.  So tell us what we need to do today to get you into that same mood Cher Lloyd has in that song below (meaning hot sexy romance)!  :)

"psst, shave with this and she'll blow you!"
Let me preface this by saying the world of marketing sends us guys a lot of mixed signals and because we are naturally dim we need some guidance.

Here are some of the examples I have seen that imply that their product will get me laid:

Vermont Teddy Bear:  I was at the gym last night and saw a commercial for these teddy bears.  Apparently if you buy your lady a life sized bear she will jump into bed in her slinky teddy (women's apparel that is), hug her teddy (bear), and then I assume be ready for you to jump on top of her.  Seems to me a stretch unless you are one of those weird "furry"-liking types.  But what do I know maybe teddy bear does = sex but I doubt it.

Mervis diamonds scare me!  :(
Diamonds:  OK so this is a traditional go-to item.  Apparently, according to one commercial if you ask your lady to marry her on an airplane the stewardess will announce to everyone "he went to Jared."  I assume next you get to join the mile high club.  If you are from the DC area you'll be familiar with Mervis Diamonds.  They have the confidance or audacity to have a phone number 1-800-HER-LOVE.  However, based on what I've heard from the radio that Zed Mervis dude from the commercials gives me the mental image of that evil Nazi Major from Raiders of the Lost Ark!  I do like that slogan though, "nobody pays retail anymore, why should you."  I personally like Ron Whites diamond tag line the best though, "diamonds; that'll shut her up."  Anyway, I send it out to you; will diamond do the trick?

Flowers:  I know FTD sure thinks this is the trick but is something that will wilt in three days the message you want to communicate?  Definitely need some help here ladies?

Chocolate:  As they say "a moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips."  Does this send the right message?  Perhaps a chocolate bath would be better, IDK.  According to a Russell Stover comercial I saw yesterday their cheap ass chocolate will turn any blond or brunette into a sweet Ganache.  Is that true?

Do the Dishes?:  I saw this on Huffington Post (here).  OK, I'm a left of center guy but I do have to say this seems like some pointed-headed BS from people who don't get laid a lot!  But it sure is cheaper than diamonds!  What say you!  :)

Cruise Ships:  I just added this one in for *hits and giggles.  Oh right, if you were on that one Canival Cruise ship you would only be able to giggle right now because you know there is no place to, well, let's just says it sounds bad out there.  Talk about envirnonmental waste, who's going to clean that *hit up!  :(

So ladies please tell us guys what we need to do to be "flyin' with ur love!"  Here is your big chance, don't tell us tomorrow we didn't ask!  :)


Same sassy girl said...

RYAN! You lazy goofball. I adore you!

I'm a "presence, not presents" sort of gal. In my dreams, it goes something like this:

Happy Valentine's Day, honey! *Big Hug* Here's your favorite chocolates that cost way too much and you won't let me buy you the rest of the year (except Christmas and your birthday). I'm going to make you late to work! Smooch... groping... hmmm... back to bed.

Or "Hiya Sass... guess who is going to be in town on Thursday? Show up at my hotel and I will serve you THE BEST APPETIZER EVAH and then take you out for lobster... and then we can HAVE DESSERT." Yum.

Hey, Sassy. Help me write my blog post?

Enjoy the day!

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm actually with most of the guys I know in regards to Valentines Day, in that I think it's a stupid, made up, commercial holiday. But, then I'm not most girls. ;)
That being said, I do think that it shouldn't be disregarded completely unless you just like sleeping on the couch. At the very least, I think a nice note is expected. You don't even have to buy it, just jot a couple of sweet words or compliments on a sticky note, and put it somewhere where she will find it unexpectedly.
If you do anything else, whatever it is, make it thoughtful. That's the most important thing! So, if you get her flowers from Publix, make sure and get her favorite kind, her favorite color, or... if you really want to impress her, get the ones that were on the table at the restaurant on your first date, even if they were crappy wilted daisies. But... make sure and put a note with an explanation please. Just let her know that you are paying attention to her, and that you care about what is important to her.

Anonymous said...

Well I won't be turning to Ashley Madison, I don't do online dating. However, to help me not kick a potential lover to the curb you need to be confident, and for god sake follow through on what you say you are going to do. The latter has seriously been lacking in ALL the men that I've dated in the last six months--hot or not. Have good hygiene, treat me like a lady (yes--open doors, walk on the outside toward the curb, etc), and please please please be a spanker!

If you are a spanker, you can spank me on the first date :) :)


Anonymous said...

Oh yeah! I forgot to add my advice for the ladies too. I'm pretty sure that most of the ladies who visit here already know this, but just in case, if you want to do something nice for your guy today, just remember that blowjobs are like flowers for men. ;)

Anonymous said...

Happy Valentine's!

rachel-xx said...

I may not see it the same way other ladies do. I think Valentines Day is simple really. I think Guys make it more complicated than it is. Its how you treat me all the time that matters. Treat me well, then on Valentines Day, if you do anything w just the hint of a thought to it, you will get laid or blown. But be a dick to me for the last month, then don't think I will suck yours on Valentines Day, no matter how special you try to make it. I guess, in a way, its the day you get rewarded for how you've been treating me.