Friday, September 30, 2011

FFF - Lost

Setting - a dimly lit bunker looking/war room; two men anxiously looking at the images to the right on one computer screen, the computer screen next to it is blank with error message.  Both dressed professionally but shirt sleeves rolled up, ties loose.  Empty styro coffee cups litter desk.

Reilly (sitting at computer astonished):  My god, it's lost!  It just vanished

Landers (gruffly affirmative):  You've got to be kidding, we have to have that DNA code, this thing has gone airborne!

Reilly (frantically, voice breaking):  Sir, the power surges have screwed up the network - we are offline, I can't get to anything!

Landers (feverishly speaking):  You don't understand we have to get production up on the anti-virus, we are airborne we have about 48 hours to contain this thing or we are all screwed!

Camera focus shifts to TV in corner of lab.  In the background CNN playing, Piers Morgan show starts.

Piers Morgan:  Tonight we have the controversial Paleo-Biologist Dr. Ryan Beaumont famous for his doomsday prevention drug - Amorous.  Dr. Beaumont, many in the scientific world seem to think you are quite the quack - what say you to your critics.

Dr. Beaumont:  Well first Piers thank you for allowing me onto your show.  We know of the Great Mammalian Extinction at the end of the last ice age.  Many theorize that extinction occurred due to drastic climate change.  I believe that a quick warming of the earth gradually and adversely affected the reproductive desire of many mammals.  And, as you know Piers, most scientist take it for granted now that we are actively in another period of global warming.  My concern is that as the Earth continues to heat the human race will be affected in ways well beyond rising tides.

Piers Morgan:  Dr. Beaumont, are you saying that just because the Earth is heating up a bit humans are going to decide to stop making whoopie so to speak.

Dr. Beaumont:  Well Piers, I wouldn't put it just that way and it will certainly be more gradual but yes in laymen terms heat could slow down our libidos and marginal changes in resulting birth rates could have catastrophic implications.

Piers Morgan:  And so you've come up with this "love drug" as many are calling it to stimulate us when it gets too hot - sort of like freebasing Viagra.

Dr. Beaumont:  Again, Piers that is an exaggerated analogy but yes, I think it is critical to the continuation of the human race to insure that if drastic climate change occurs that humanity has the tools to adapt.  I have recreated DNA of highly sexed individuals and refined it into a nasal application that functions much like a virus.  It can be spread to stimulate sexual activity within a population if needed.  This is one pathway of adaption to one challenge our climate will give us.  Certainly there will be other challenges.....

Camera fades back to Reilly and Landers.

Landers:  My god that guy is a quack why did we ever listen to him.  We made that drug to save humanity and now all of New York is about to go on the world's largest orgy and we can't do anything to stop it.

Reilly (emphatically):  God help us.

Landers (timidly):  So Reilly, do you still have some of that stuff; I'm meeting that hot new blond from accounting later - I'd like to be going all night if you know what I mean!  ;)


France said...

That is one fun and cool story!!!

Anonymous said...

LOL! I loved this story! Happy FFF!

Anonymous said...

Ryan, thanks for the explanation on my blog about the men's names. Makes the story and characters even more genius! LOL! I did say I loved the story, didn't I?

Tame said...

I laughed so much that Piers Morgan made an appearance in this story - it is so up his street!

Word said...

That was a riot! Thanks for a delightful story. :)

Topaz said...

You have the interview/evasiveness down! And the conversation between the friends topped it off, great read :-)